Stunted Adults

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Tim Riggins Is Ruining My Career

28 Comments

Next week, I have a VERY IMPORTANT work moment.  It involves putting on a suit, standing in front of a large crowd, and advocating for a position that will severely impact the rest of someone else’s life all while being interrogated by a panel of very smart people.

So, in light of having to face that special kind of professional hell in the near future, I need to focus and prepare.

One of the main pieces of my presentation involves discussing a legal case named United States v. Veal.

Whenever I say the word Veal, all I can think about is Anne Veal from Arrested Development.

Her?

Her?

And then I think about Amber Holt, who is the character that Mae Whitman plays on Parenthood.

No one knows how to make me cry like Amber.

No one knows how to make me cry like Amber.

And then I think about Amber’s ex-fiancée Ryan York.

My heart is breaking all over again.

My heart is breaking all over again.

And then I think about Luke Cafferty, who Matt Lauria played on Friday Night Lights.

Clear Eyes.  Full Hearts. Can't Lose!

Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose!

And then I end up daydreaming about Tim Riggins.

All roads lead to you.

All roads in my brain lead to you.

SERIOUSLY.

I just lost 45 minutes of my day to Riggins.

At this rate, my entire presentation is going to be “Dear Important People, I know I am supposed to be talking about mortgage fraud, but, instead, let me tell you about what Texas Forever means to me.”

I’m screwed.

I am going to need to fake both blindness and a pregnancy if I have any hope of winning.

I am going to need to fake both blindness and a pregnancy to have any hope of winning.

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Author: PinotNinja

Writer at StuntedAdults.com. A reformed hooligan desperately trying, and generally failing, at the art of being a grown up.

28 thoughts on “Tim Riggins Is Ruining My Career

  1. I think science needs to study your neural pathways…

    Good luck with the presentation. Sounds stressful, but I’m sure you’ll do well. Anybody who runs a marathon shortly after gallbladder surgery is a person who makes things happen. 🙂

    • Seriously! I feel like maybe, if my powers of tangential distraction could be harnessed for good, we could totally solve world hunger.

      Thanks for the wishes of luck — I’m going to need it with the way I’m “preparing” so far.

  2. I often am trapped by my own stream of conscience, but all of my roads invariably lead to chocolate, wine, or cheese. Or all 3.

  3. Well crap. Now I’M only thinking about Tim Riggins, when obviously I should be working up this docket! Thanks a lot.

    No really, thanks a lot. Mmmmm, Tim Riggins. Yum.

    Good luck on your huge hearing/presentation. You’re gonna kill it. Let Tim be your guide! Texas forever.

  4. Somehow a lot if my thoughts always go back to Mean Girls, which leads to Lohan.

    Break a leg with the presentation! (I usually say break a gallbladder, but…)

  5. Good luck with your presentation! It sounds totally daunting and I understand why your mind is wandering! Tim Riggins is a lot easier on the brain! I know you’re going to knock it out of the park!

    • Thanks! I channeled my inner Coach Taylor and went at them with the quite yet confident demeanor that channels “do not ask me any questions and just believe me and do what I say” and it totally worked. It was all I could do not to end my presentation with “Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.”

  6. Just think about Riggins naked and all should go well! 🙂

  7. Sigh. What about poor Country Boy? What is he going to think when he reads of your daydreaming? How difficult it must be for him to be associated with such world-renowned Blogger and Lawyer. To be reduced to second in her life after Tim Riggins and her fame. He must truly love you.

    • Don’t you worry about Country Boy, he manages to hold his own and I’m pretty sure he’s had a few Lila Garrity based daydreams himself.

      And at least I picked another farm boy with a crazy family and a heart of gold?

  8. Your thought process makes perfect sense to me.
    Good luck on your presentation!

  9. Good luck! I am sure you will do well. If it helps, when I get to Ann Veal, I think of Mae Whitman in State of Grace, with Alia Shawkat, and then I get stuck in a State of Grace/Arrested Development endless circle. It cuts out Tim Riggins, which may or may not be helpful 🙂

    • Thank you! Oh Alia Shawkat — I could definitely go down the rabbit hole with her. I recently saw her in The Oranges which then loops me into both Adam Brody and Leighton Meester and then its all The OC and Gossip Girl all the time up in my brain. Hours are about to disappear from my life…

  10. Yep, this is exactly how my brain works.

  11. Any excuse to think about Tim Riggins.

  12. I am so embarrassed. I don’t even know who Tim Riggins is, but I’m gonna Google him immediately. Anything that can get you this sidetracked is worth investigating : )

    • WHAT?! You must watch Friday Night Lights. MUST. As in not optional at all.

      You are going to fall in love with this show, specifically Tami Taylor. I have a feeling that she and you are very similar kinds of moms.

  13. First of all, you will be awesome! If I’ve learned one important thing in my career, it’s that if you sound like you know what you are talking about and what you say isn’t completely outlandish, people go along with it and don’t question you. Next week I have to present a forecast of how we will do in Q2 based on our Q1 performance and past trends, blah blah blah. I will confidently get up and say that we will either make money, or possibly not make money and this is due to all the reasons. ALL THE REASONS!

    Second, can we just talk about Mae Whitman for a second? She is supposed to be a little girl. I know this because I watched her in When A Man Loves A Woman, Bye Bye Love, One Fine Day. She is younger than me and now appears to be an adult. Am I an adult???

    PS – If you need to use ALL THE REASONS in your presentation, it’s ok with me. It most likely applies to what you are going to say too.

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